If Computer Operating systems were like airlines:

DOS AIR - The passengers go out to the runway, grab the plane, push it until it lifts off, hop on, then jump off again when it comes back down.

MAC AIRWAYS - Cashiers, flight attendants, and pilots all look and act alike. Asked about the flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't need to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.

WINDOWS AIRLINES - The terminals are very neat and clean, the attendants very attractive, the pilots very capable. The carrier's fleet of Learjets is immense. Your jet takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at 20, 000 feet it explodes.

OS/2 SKYWAYS - The terminal is almost empty, with only a few prospective passengers milling about. An announcer says their flight has just departed and wishes them a good flight, though there are no planes on the runway. Airline personnel walk around, apologizing prufusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from time to time the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the field. The tell each passenger how good the real flight will be on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows Airlines. But they say the passengers will have to wait a little longer for the technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe until mid -1995. Maybe Longer.

FLY WINDOWS NT - The passengers carry thier chairs onto the tarmac, set them down in the outline of a plane, sit down, flap thier arms, and make swooshing sounds.

UNIX EXPRESS - Each passenger brings a piece of the plane and a box of tools to the airport. they gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, the passengers split into groups and build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passenbers actually reach thier destination. All passengers *believe* they got there.

WINGS OF OS/400 - The airline has bought ancient DC-3's, arguably the best and safest planes that ever flew, and painted "747" on thier tails to make them look as if they were fast. The flight attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions costs $230.00 per hour, unless you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and membership in the frequent flier club. Then they costs $500.00, but our accounting department can call it overhead.

VMS/VAX EXPRESS - passengers spend weeks trying to get tickets to certain destinations, when the tickets come through nobody want to go there anymore. Pilots and flight attendants are helpful but never tell you what you need to know because they are all busy trying to figure out there own schedules.

Last Changed: 4/26/96

Comments? Questions? Email UnderMac!